You

Passion burns
A white hot flame
And I ache

Desire eddies
A tumultuous circle
And I yearn

Lust defines
An encompassing crush
And I hunger

I cannot get this
Though I want nothing more
I covet you
To feel your

skin

lips

fingers

sweat

breath

Your touch

You

What the Hell is so Damned Special, Anyway

Sometimes I wonder about people. Here lately, mostly I wonder about myself. I'm probably just tired and frustrated, but I surely don't like myself much right at this moment.

As I'm sure my two readers know, I am dating a guy again. And he can be a really sweet, wonderful, caring man at times. And then there's the other side of him. Lord, but he can be mean! Passive aggressive mean. Catch you off guard and pick a fight just to pick a fight mean. I can't even name specifics, he is so slick about it. Grrrr. I used to say the only person who could make me feel small and insignificant was my dad, but I was sooooo wrong.

Which leads me to question myself and why I attract people like this. I swear I am the nicest person I know. I treat people like I would like to be treated and most of the time I keep my frustration bottled up inside. I know everyone has their own issues to deal with, so why bother them with mine. (Yeah, I know that was grammatically incorrect. Sue me.) Plus, I think that most of my issues are not worth bothering people.

I worry. A lot. That I really am not the person people think I am. That there is nothing truly special about me. That all I really have to offer is my body. That the only thing that keeps him interested in me is that I am good in the sack. I worry myself exhausted over all of this.

I think that part of it is that I feel like I am taken for granted. I enjoy taking care of others. Its what I do. Something to do with being female. But I can't stand that it is expected of me. That people automatically assume that I will take care of everything. I deal with the puking kids, the laundry, the cleaning, the boyfriend who needs a back rub. I deal with everything. And I don't want much in return. A simple thank you. Run a bath for me. Tell me to take it easy for five minutes, something. Let me know that I am a little appreciated. Hell.

Sigh, "I find sometimes its easy to be myself. Sometimes its better to be somebody else." Yeah, Dave again.

Random Stuff

So a friend of mine posted something similar to this not too long ago, and I thought I'd give it a shot.

1. I am the middle child of seven, as my blog address suggests. I think it probably explains a lot about me.

2. I find odd stuff extremely sexy. Like the ability to parallel park and drive well. And hands, I have a strange fixation on hands. Can't help it!

3. I cannot play a single physical sport. I have no hand-eye coordination. Darts, pool, cards...absolutely. Baseball, football, softball...not if my life depended on it.

4. I could get lost in a good book for hours. I love to escape the real world and live vicariously for a while.

5. I am entirely too generous. With everything...money, my time, my emotions.

6. My eyes were blue until sometime around the age of twelve. Then they changed to green.

7. People who can't spell irritate the ever-loving CRAP out of me. I can understand words that are not commonly used, but come on now. At least figure out how to use spell check! I'll leave the grammar issue for another day :)

8. I shouldn't say this, but its very easy to stroke my ego. (See number 1, it explains why)

9. I don't think sweat smells bad. I'm not talking about not showering for days rank B.O. More like been working hard sweat. Mmmmmm.... (I warned you strange things attract me :) )

10. My favorite activity besides sex is sleep. Actually, its a tie. I could do both for days ;)

Been Awhile

So I have been ignoring my blog, which is not unusual for me. I get started on things and they go well, and then I lose interest. I'm like that. Its my least favorite personality trait.

I was going through some of my older posts that I hadn't publshed and was thinking to myself that there was no point in holding back. I hadn't published them to begin with because I....um...well really I don't know. I think I may have been embarrassed by them. The two in particular are "About A Boy" and "Boys Will Be Boys..." If the two people that read this find it amusing that I was a total tard, I'm cool with that :)

So read and enjoy. Feel free to comment. But be nice. I'm sensitive :)