I have this dream every now and again where I am falling and falling in slow motion. I know that I'm dreaming, but it scares the hell out of me anyway. And I am not lucky like most people who wake up before they hit bottom, no. I fall and fall and hit the ground, bounce even higher and start falling all over again! What the hell is that all about?
I usually have the dream once or twice a year, unless I'm under a lot of stress. Which lately is all I seem to know, so therefore I fall a lot in my dreams. Dammit.
I think it has something to so with my control freak/perfectionist personality. In the dream I have absolutely no control of the falling or the bouncing. And it sucks! Though I will say that I have relaxed a bit as I have gotten older, but I'm still a bit picky :)
So I know the root cause of the dreams, but the question is whether or not I can change that about myself. Can I make myself let someone else have control over things for a while and allow myself room for error? Can anyone ever really change the fundamentals of his being? I mean, who he is deep down inside? That person that he is when you strip away the bullshit facade that he puts on for polite society, the deep down feral self that scratches his ass and farts first thing in the morning, the real person.
I realize that everyone changes as they get older. That change occurs with environment and the people one associates with. That our ideals change as we learn. But can a leopard really change his spots? Do people ever really come to the realization that sometimes being hurt by honesty is a much better alternative to being placated by niceties? Somehow I doubt it.
I know I sound jaded. That I may give the impression that the human race as a whole is such a disappointment. I can't help it. I saw a bumper sticker once that said "Mean People Suck." I think I would edit one word out of that. People suck. At least most of them.
So I know the root cause of the dreams, but the question is whether or not I can change that about myself. Can I make myself let someone else have control over things for a while and allow myself room for error? Can anyone ever really change the fundamentals of his being? I mean, who he is deep down inside? That person that he is when you strip away the bullshit facade that he puts on for polite society, the deep down feral self that scratches his ass and farts first thing in the morning, the real person.
I realize that everyone changes as they get older. That change occurs with environment and the people one associates with. That our ideals change as we learn. But can a leopard really change his spots? Do people ever really come to the realization that sometimes being hurt by honesty is a much better alternative to being placated by niceties? Somehow I doubt it.
I know I sound jaded. That I may give the impression that the human race as a whole is such a disappointment. I can't help it. I saw a bumper sticker once that said "Mean People Suck." I think I would edit one word out of that. People suck. At least most of them.
